This is a bit out of the ordinary than what I do post but I am lead to share a bit of my past I would consider it a testimony of the goodness of the Lord God Almighty. Only God knows but it may Bless another person who reads this who may be battling with what I grew up in. Growing up I grew up with no communication the terminology for it is Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN). It was not an easy thing because when a child is growing up they have many questions and are very curious to know what’s what also want to be taught things, validated, emotionally nurtured. This broke me to my core because I along with my siblings were yelled at if we came out of line and even asked anything or were manipulated. I grew up around manipulation and control both verbal and non verbal intimidation. This effected me majorly growing up because I grew up not knowing anything about life I was just thrown out into this world to figure it out on my own which was very scary. This brought on so much confusion, fear, anxiety, gravitating toward bad influence and other broken folk’s. Many of times we are raised and experience the same thing our parents or guardian faced and experienced this is some times the case. Us as individuals can make the decision when it presents itself to us to stop the cycle/ generational curse.
I became very rebellious because I was not taught how to be obedient, self control nor discipline, I had no morals to abide by. I was what you can call a loose cannon susceptible to anything, I grew up being a “tom boy” gravitating to more boyish things. So when I came to the age when it was time to learn about womanhood nothing was taught to me not even about the time of the month. So when I began to grow into a young woman I became so depressed, insecure, I hated everything that had to do with becoming a woman because everything I experienced was so uncomfortable. I felt comfortable being boyish because it took little effort to have to do anything and I fit in perfectly with them. The boys just wanted to play and that’s exactly all I wanted to do, I saw the girls get serious and wanted to impress the boys and that wasn’t me at the time. So just growing up confused troubled me severely I suffered in so much silence.
It came to a point were I began to do things that I shouldn’t be doing because it was I saw people doing so I thought it was okay and normal. I was not taught that this is wrong or this is right I was just around dysfunction. Grateful to God that he at least enabled my parents to put a roof over my head, food on the table, and clothing on me and my siblings back. Communication outweighs them all, Communication and emotional nurture are very vital in a kids life so that they can feel cared for and valued by their parents. Validation comes through those encounters and it shows Love to the child, lack of communication throws a child into confusion, The bible lets us know that God is not the author of confusion –1 Corinthians 14:33. Basically it throws us into the hands of the adversary the devil, for me it surely did it made me depend on my imaginations and whatever came in my mind. The bible lets us know lean not unto our own understanding, but in all of our ways acknowledge God and he will direct our paths –Proverbs 3:5-6. So because of this I grew up mentally in bondage it lead to mental illness, gender identity, same sex attraction, addictions, perversion, people pleasing, abusive/ toxic relationships and friendships.
Growing up I’ve always wondered why was it that these things always happened in my life why couldn’t I have Healthy relationships or experience positive events in my life ETC. I began to think I was the issue but I was just a product of my upbringing and how I was raised. I didn’t know the extent of the effects and damage that the emotional abuse I’ve been under really effected me and my perception of life and people until I became born again. Until Jesus Christ opened my blind eyes and removed the scales from my eyes and I was granted Wisdom, Knowledge and Understanding of the Lord God Almighty. I thank God that he called me out of the darkness into his marvelous light and delivered me and raised me up and stepped into my life and pushed back all the darkness. So that I can live Life and life more abundantly in and through Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior, Gods only begotten son whom he sent into this world so that we can live and be free and be pleasing in the sight of Almighty God. Grateful for my salvation I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world this is the best decision I’ve made in my life which was choosing life.
The word of the Lord God Almighty is a lamp unto my feet and light unto my path –Psalm 119:105. Beloved with man it is impossible but with God all things are possible –Matthew 19:26, He can bring you out of the valley he can bring you out of the dysfunction. He will make your enemies your footstool meaning those demonic spirits and principalities at work in those who are coming up against you. The first thing the Lord assured me of was –Ephesians 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. The battle is not against Flesh but it is a spiritual battle that can only be won in and through Jesus Christ Victory is in Christ Jesus Victory belongs to Jesus. This is the first scripture I ever memorized and got a great understanding of and I thank Jesus for this because I wanted to take vengeance into my own hands and retaliate because of all I’ve experience it was painful. He let me know no no no Daughter for the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds, Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalted itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ – 2 Corinthians 10:4-5.
This is why I am grateful because my life could’ve went in so many directions but the Lord God Almighty looked upon me and called me out from among this wicked world and changed and delivered me. Not because of anything I’ve done but because of his Grace and Mercy It is For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: –Ephesians 2:8. I took the leap of Faith not knowing what I was getting into but I knew that I wanted more of his Love and Liberation and the validation and comfort he gave me. So I continued on my pursuit to follow Jesus no matter what the devil tried to present to me in my mind. I want to let you know if you take that leap of Faith and give your life over to Jesus your life will not be the same. You may have to let go of some people and things but it is so worth it because those same things are hindering you from moving forward and growing and being made whole. God knows what is best for you and he longs to give it to you but you have to willfully give your life over and hand him your burdens, your brokenness, your shame, your issues so that he can step in and turn it all around.
The word of God tells us in –John 6:44, No man can come to me, except the Father which hath sent me draw him: and I will raise him up at the last day. Who ever you may be you have been drawn to this post by God to hear my story/ testimony and the goodness of the Lord God Almighty. So that you can know that you are not alone and you can surely come out of those situations, Jesus Christ is Knocking at the door of your hear will you open up the Door? will you repent? turn from the former lifestyle and habits?. Your salvation, freedom is in Christ Jesus and in him alone, The text above was Jesus speaking in the text saying no-one can come unto him unless the father that sent him draw him and beloved he is drawing you right now to come unto his only begotten son Jesus Christ. He knows your broken and tired but you have to welcome him into those situations Jesus is the only way. Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me- John 14:6. I know they say that hell is a place you go when you die and have not repented of your sins and served the Lord God Almighty. But my circumstances before I was saved was as if I was living in Hell on earth, I was imprisoned to my mind, feelings and emotions which had me depressed, anxious, and suicidal. Facing a heavy spiritual battle that I was completely oblivious to why? because of lack of knowledge and not having a relationship and void of Jesus Christ in my heart as my Personal Lord and Savior. Beloved your story is a testimony for someone else to hear and be delivered from, our adversary would Love to keep you ignorant to this truth in the word of God in –Revelation 12:11 And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death. This is how you overcome the wicked one beloved walk by Faith and not by sight.
Grateful and thankful for the Lord God Almighty for bringing me out of the darkness into his marvelous light. I enjoy serving the Lord God Almighty and being a testimony of his Glorious Power and Love to save so that another’s Faith can be strengthened to take the leap of Faith and go after Jesus Christ. He didn’t bring me out just to be free but that I can lead many others to him, so this isn’t just for me but for others to be free as well. To know look Gods Mercy endureth forever no matter what sin you’ve committed out of ignorance but you must confess your sins and repent. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness –1 John 1:9. We must be born again the word of God lets us know, Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God –John 3:3. I leave you with this beloved Jesus Loves you and wants to deliver and set you free, God longs to have a relationship with you. Shalom Many Blessings, I would Love to hear testimonies and what the Lord God Almighty has done for you. God Bless you in Jesus name, Salvation is a free gift from God.
Sister Guari | Jesus is Lord |Grace Through Faith 